Tag: words of affirmation

You know it. You feel it every time you promise your son you’ll be at the game and you’re not. Every time you say “next weekend,” and next weekend becomes next month. Every time you tell yourself you’re grinding for them while you barely see them. You already know they’re watching. The question is what they’re seeing.

The Lie Every Dad Tells Himself

The lie sounds responsible…  like a sacrifice. I’m building something for them. I’ll make it up when the business is stable. I’ll be there more when things slow down. You’ve said all three and honestly, so have I. But we both know that things don’t ever really slow down. The business continues to fluctuate. There is no version of your life where the calendar clears, and you can finally get to be the father you keep promising to become. There is only the man you are being today, in front of your son, whether you’re present or not. You think you have a time problem when you have a decision problem.

4AM in Monaco

Last month, I was on the balcony of a hotel room in Monaco at 4 a.m. Couldn’t sleep. So I did what I do. I picked up my phone and filmed a video for my son. Told him I love him, that I’m proud of him, and reminded him who he is. I do this all the time with all of my kids. I try to never go more than a day without sending them words of affirmation. Not because I’m a great dad but because I know exactly what it’s like to not have one. My father split when I was a freshman in high school. He wasn’t around at all and I didn’t have a man speaking life into me. I didn’t have someone pointing the way, so I had to build my own confidence, chart my own course, and figure this whole game out on my own. Some of you know what this is like and truly know the struggle of figuring something out you shouldn’t have to. So when I speak to my kids, I’m not performing,  I’m pro-actively rewriting a story I lived and giving my sons what I never got. This is why I speak life into them daily. This is why I invest in them heavily. This is why I never quit because I know they are watching. If I don’t ruthlessly speak life into them, who will? Who is speaking into your kid’s life right now?

3 Ways to Speak Life Into Your Sons This Week

Here’s where you begin.

1. Text the words. Today.

Not tonight, not tomorrow, now. Pick up your phone and tell your son what you see in him. Not “love you, buddy.” Something specific. “I saw how you handled that at practice. That was a man’s move.” One text. Every day. No exceptions.

2. Sit down face-to-face. Weekly.

No phones. No TV. No agenda. Twenty minutes. Ask him what he’s carrying, then shut up and listen. Your son needs to know he can come to you and just be heard without getting a lecture or critiques.

3. Let him watch you fail and get back up.

This is the one nobody wants to do. Stop hiding your struggles from him. I’m serious, let him see you get knocked down at work, let him see you deal with it, and then let him see the fire in your eyes when you refuse to quit. That’s one of of those life lessons that sticks with them.

The Final Thought

We can’t tell them to dream while we live a chaotic nightmare. We cannot tell them to shoot for the stars while we chill in the streets. We cannot preach honor and integrity from behind a phone screen we hide behind. Our sons will become who we are. No amount of money you leave them when you die will compensate for you not being there today. No inheritance, trust fund, or business you built in their name. Nothing. I get that that’s a big hard pill, swallow it anyway. The greatest failure I can imagine is looking back and realizing I failed the thing I loved most. I refuse for that to be my son’s story, and you should too.